MIXED MESSAGES

snoring

“Roll over on your side, Love.”

“What?”

“On your side.”

“Why?”

“You were snoring.”

“I wasn’t. I wasn’t even asleep.”

“You were… Oh I’m really looking forward to having a house of our own.”

“Mmmm. Yes. Me too.”

“We’ll have a little garden of our own at last, where we can plant forget-me-nots.”

“We might put them in a bed.”

“And then we’ll have lots of babies.”

“We’ll soon have a bed full of them!”

“Cots, Dear.”

“Cots?”

“Yes, they’ll have to be a lot bigger before they can go in a bed, Darling.”

“Well, they are a bit tender at first. You have to life them carefully and place them gently in the bed.”

“Of course… with blankets to cover them up against the cold.”

“That would stunt their growth.”

“Don’t be silly.”

“It might.”

“No it wouldn’t.”

“We’ll need to protect them though.”

“Absolutely.”

“They’ll be our little protégés.”

“They will… what will we call them if they’re boys?”

“What?”

“Ok then… girls?”

“That’s taking it a bit far, isn’t it?”

“I see. Too early for that sort of thing. Are you afraid you’ll jinx us? Let’s change the subject. Mmm. I think we’ll have to get a new bed when we get there…”

“Agreed. I can feel the springs in this one.”

“You shouldn’t jump on it!”

“I was thinking we’d have a nice new one to lay a baby on.”

“What? I thought we’d gone off that subject.”

“I might still want to jump on it.”

“What?”

“It’ll be soft and bouncy – squidgy and soft.”

“John! Why would you want to jump on it?”

“Well, it’ll be so relaxing.”

“Oh my Lord! What are you saying?”

“What on earth are you getting so het up about? I don’t understand.”

“You want to jump on our babies?”

“Don’t be daft woman. I meant the bed.”

“Oh! I thought…”

“Well you know what thought did… Give me a cuddle.”

“Sorry, Darling. I feel such an idiot now.”

“You’re not an idiot… Why did you call them flower cots earlier?

“What?”

“Cots. You said ‘cots’.”

“I don’t know what you mean. This is a weird conversation. I think we should go to sleep now.”

“Look, it’s quite simple. I said I’m going to plant the forget-me-nots in the flower beds and you said they will soon have lots of babies so we’ll need to put them in cots.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Yes, you did.”’

“I didn’t mean the forget-me-nots were having babies. I meant us!”

“What? We’re having twins?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You said we are having babies. Plural, as in, more than one.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Well… are we?”

“No.”

“Why not? Not ever?”

“Oh, I give up! Go back to sleep.”

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